Santa Claus

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Santa Claus.
Pope Santa
Santa Claus improved the Kitten Huffing technique.

"Santa?... is that you?" I asked nervously. The banging noises coming from inside the chimney didn't stop. My heart was pounding. Could it really be him? I mean, it was July 28th, and my family was Jewish, but still... there was a chance. I yelled out once more: "Santa?". This time, the clamor briefly stopped. I heard a muted voice yell "Shit. Someone is here. Pull me up, Jimmy." Would Santa curse? Well, maybe. He's an adult - he's allowed to. But who is Jimmy? It must be an elf, I decided.