“We make the Internet not suck.”
~ Jimbo Wales on Wikipedia
Wikipedia, "the free encyclopedia that anyone can edit,"  is not a satirical parody of Uncyclopedia, though Wikipedia claims the reverse (and correctly claims that Uncyclopedia claims the reverse, and so on and so 4th). Some say that it is actually a database including such things as: lists of trains, Mortal Kombat characters, one-time villains from Mario games, road intersections, boring suburban schools, garage bands, cats, dead flounders, webcomics, Bionicle characters, kittens' headquarterwebforums, characters from English soap operas, Mortal Kombat characters that don't exist, and a thing they call articles. Ergo: Wikipedia is a Massive Multiplayer Online Editing Game played by experts in redundancy, skepticism, pseudoscience, hyperlinking, reverting articles, demanding reliable sources, verification, identifying original research (which is often quickly denounced in the article talk pages), and initiating subtle flamewars over what is encyclopaedic. The site often exhibits the qualities of the Dada art movements, via the discussion pages attached to all articles; and it can be argued that Michel Foucault's Archaeology of Knowledge is a case in point. Wikipedia is a complete waste of time ruled by Dr.Phil, live from a soundstage in Hollywood California. It is a proven scientific fact that after reading this site, Wikipedia sucks.
Wikipedia was the creation of internet 'preneur Jimbo and his band of whales, without the help of anyone, especially Larry Sanger. Mr. Jimbo concieved of Wikipedia after reading Herman Hesse's Magister Ludi (The Glass Bead Game) and William Golding's Lord of the Flies in one single weekend. He envisioned Wikipedia as an Internet Amusement Park that would combine the best aspects of both novels. Wikipedia has encountered some difficulties with the implementation of this vision as the cannibal children keep eating the scholars.
Wikipedia's name comes from two words: "wicked" and "pedophilia". This is a reflection of the administators, particularly Improv, ILike2BeAnonymous, Codex Sinaiticus, and Istvan. In fact both Improv and Codex Sinaiticus are on the Canadian police's list of registered sex-offenders, which is why they are barred from access to that country.
In contrast to Uncyclopedia, which strives to be as factually accurate as possible, Wikipedia entries occasionally reach consensus, and range from nonsensical to biased to subversive, with little or no resemblance to the truth. However, because of its parodic nature, some people find it informative as it reveals at least something about how people think about certain topics, albeit in an ironic sense.
Ultimately, Wikipedia cannot be trusted, and this is why:
- Because Wikipedia invented superglue. (Does anyone know how to get it off? My butt is stuck to my computer chair.)
- Because Wikipedia aims to control all pets in the world so they will later attack their masters, trust me on this one, I only have one eye after fighting with my pet cockroach.
- Because Wikipedia is actually a website aliens use to spot thinking patterns in humans.
- Most Wikipedia articles are written by people whose lives closely resemble that of that 40 year old, over-weight Comic Book virgin on the Simpsons. Therefore, they have little or no real world experience to write about.
- Contributors who are employed steal a disproportionate amount of time from their employers fooling around on the Internet. They are thieves; therefore, they can't be trusted.
- Wikipaediophiles have very small penises (of course they are all men!). This places them in deep denial of reality. This is why they can't be trusted.
- Any slightly controversial material is immediately erased by the Fascist Wikistapo, and the offender is traced, and arrested. Wikipedia is a censored database and therefore can't be trusted.
- Anyone that has a "life" and a "real job" won't have the time to edit, re-edit, and re-re-edit Wikipedia pages in order to get their Nitwit Point-of-View (NPOV) accepted over someone else's NPOV. So, most Wikipedia articles are written by people that spend an excessive time on the Internet - people that don't have a real job, or a life. This is why Wikipedia articles can't be trusted.
- Wikipedia has a Wikidomination Document, which it hid in the dephs of BJAODN.
Wikipedia contributers think:
- Most personalites are diguised robots that are able to break Asimov's first law of robotics,
- UFOs are very real,
- Pornography is an acceptable substitute for strip clubs, and
- Klingon will be the lingua franca of the 21st century.
All text on Wikipedia is available under the terms of the overmind, sometimes also known as Microsoft and/or Dick Cheney. Wikipedia is designed to take away truthful content carefully thought about and created for Uncyclopedia by A very old woman.
Wikipedia functions much like an iceberg: for every page of supposedly factual information one sees peeking out, hidden below are countless thousands of pages on debate, argument, and vandalism.
Wikipedia functions as a communal toilet. It may certainly look sparkling clean, but there is no scientific method to prove who has been defecating in it. Underneath the seat cover and in the crevices are billions and billions and billions of germs. One can still use it, but is taking a calculated risk of infection.
Wikipedia functions as a soup cooked by an entire community, with everyone contributing something. One person brings a huge kettle, big enough to cook a stew to feed the whole community. The second person brings gallons of fresh water from a pure, sparkling spring. A third person brings crisp celery, huge potatoes and tasty carrots from the garden. A fourth person brings pounds of lean, fresh red meat. The fifth person uses his years of experience as a cook to slowly simmer the stew and add just the right amount of spices. And then these five other guys come along and fill the soup with warm, steaming piles of bullshit.
Uncyclopedia is not arrogant, unlike Wikipedia, and makes no pretentions about its superiority, its wit, and its factual accuracy.
There are 10 types of people on Wikipedia: deletionist vandals and Kmweber. The deletionist vandals insist on deleting articles on any subject not of interest to at least 25 billion people plus 10% of the remainder of the Solar System's population (with a 7% late fee). Kmweber is a valiant warrior against this particularly heinous brand of vandalism; for his efforts, he has been rewarded with numerous blocks, thus proving the underhanded nature of the cabal. As an effort to circumvent this, he has taken to referring to the deletionist vandals as "deletionist ostrogoths" instead.
Template:Wiki The purpose of Wikipedia is to make as many edits as possible. Players, crackpots, plagiarists or editors (also known as Wikipedophiles) are graded only on the number of edits they make. Therefore, experienced Wikipedophiles abstain from adding whole articles, coherent sentences, or even intelligible strings of characters, as this wastes a great deal of time. Scores (or edit counts) are refereed by Wikibureaucrats who eat cheese or by the Wiki Goddess herself: Kate Moss. Common techniques of successful editors are:
- Revert wars, preferably with other power-users (Administrators), as these battles are worth more experience points. These experience points allow wikipedians to cast more elaborate spells, like Isaac's Greater Missile Storm. These wars have been the single largest cause of death in the 21st century.
- Splitting and rejoining of categories. This method often provides 100s of edits without unnecessarily influencing the content.
- Grammar, spelling, and formatting offensives. Properly administered they can yield hundreds of the coveted one character edits. Not to be attempted by novices.
- Turning otherwise ordinary words into unnecessary links at random to ensure it's as difficult to read as possible. See Page_Full_Of_Links
- Making links that don't actually do anything but make the author feel important in his pitiful little existence.
- Removing important information, information which the administers feel personally threatening because they are informative, and adding space where no space should be.
- Redundancy. Stating the same information over and over.
- Lengthy discussions of obvious topics (under the head request for comment). These are, however, seen as a last resort, since a paragraph of nonsense or repetitions will still take ages compared to more efficient ways.
- Redundancy. Stating the same information over and over.
- one encyclopedia into many languages. This serves to produce over 100 encyclopedias, all operating in different ways. Several entire languages have been invented simply to increase the number of Wikipedia articles, including Flemorese, Kahxanian, and Swedish. The most extreme example of this is the Russian Wikipedia. Notice the bizarre and incomprehensible icons on the Main Page, all unrelated to those found on the English Wikipedia's Main Page. Also notice the copious quantities of Bs, Ds and 0s. They combine to form proof of a conspiracy.
- To get as many uncreditable sources as possible and have other users back them up.
- Another failed attempt to up the American populations literacy.
- Stating that Tweetie is a terrorist.
- Redundancy. Stating the same information over and over.
Stands for 'nother point of view. It means that one should add another point of view when one does not suffice. There is debate, however, about the actual meaning of the acronym. Some believe that it stands for "Neutral Point of View". In this case, it means that one should have no opinion about a matter when stating the facts. However, some people debate the facts, because there are two sides and interpretations to most issues. The majority view, however, is that these people are wrong. The majority view, sadly, is bullshit. In any case, "Neutral Point of View" in Wikipedia simply means "The view a small cartel of administrators hold to" and if this contradicts genuine neutrality, neutral editors are likely to be blocked for up to a fortnight.
Also highly recommended are extensive discussions of word definition. Beware of citing any common usage definition! This is generally considered chickening at WP; instead, assume the contrary of this definition and by ways of extended subordinate clauses and historic trivia (this use was first reported in Western Tasmania on a note that allegedly the first mayor of Hogarth Ridge, Joe Doe issued on occasion of the Hogarth Spring Sweeping).
Also, everyday facts are best presented as general opinion (e.g. "...although it should be kept in mind that no conclusive evidence exists one way or the other, many contend that water is wet, the earth is round, and poking sharpened sticks into your eyes is not a particularly good idea") Many people believe that this is what many people believe.
In addition, lists are known to be made and deleted everyday as constant reminders that death IS indeed near, and certain conservatives accuse it of harboring way too many hippie liberals. Wikipedia is further proof that life and indeed every "reliable" source of information has a liberal bias. Who would have thought?
Above all, whatever you do, never, ever, ever post that you are an expert in your field and offer your credentials. There is nothing Wikipediophiles hate more than an expert (defined by Scientific American as anyone with more than 10 years practical experience in a field). Boy, do Wikipediophiles hate experts, because an expert has in their possesion those annoying things called "facts", which is like kryptonite to Wikipediophiles. Wikipediophiles hate facts. If you declare yourself an expert, and if you are stupid enough to offer them proof, you will be called 1) a sock puppet, 2) a robot, 3) a nazi. You will also be spammed out to high heaven on your private email address. And Admins will post insults on your "Talk" page.
So, don't ever try to put any facts past a Wikipediophile, because it gets them mad.
The history of Wikipedia begins in 1865 BC at the height of the Martian Civil War. Abraham Lincoln Logs, in a stroke of genius, realized that if encyclopedias were written collectively on the internet, then encyclopedia editors would be unemployed, and he could round them up and send them off to fight the Confederacy. Unfortunately, his vision of a publicly edited encyclopedia failed, largely because neither computers nor the internet had yet been invented. However, the all-editor 53rd Light Cavalry Regiment (the "Encyclopedic 53rd") was a smashing success; its most celebrated accomplishment was routing a division of gossip columnists defending Atlanta (this was widely viewed as a vindication after an earlier failure to capture Savannah, when the Confederates distracted the regiment with poorly composed, grammatically incorrect encyclopedia articles strewn about on the battlefield).
However, the concept of a disinformation encyclopedia began with a group of Hungarian rebels, who decided that the best tool to use against the Communist government's spies and informants was misinformation. Infiltrating the offices of the Encyclopedica Hungarica, the rebels typeset a monstrous 53-volume tome (weighing almost 1300 lbs.!), which collected every piece of misinformation, lie, rumor, and mindless drivel they could fit on paper(assembling this misinformation is particularly impressive when one considers that Fox News had yet to be invented).
In the next year, the Hungarian government nearly ground to a halt due to the chaos. As a result, letters and important correspondence went astray due to inaccurate addresses printed in the encyclopedia. KGB spies attempted to round up the heads of the rebel group, but inquiries for "I.C. Weiner", "Ben Dover", and "I.P. Freeley" (listed as the leaders of the rebels by volume 23) produced nothing but puzzlement and smirks. Infuriated, the Hungarian president attempted to fly to the Kremlin to consult with the Soviet Union about the problem, only to find that his pilot had flown him to Moosejaw, Saskatchewan (which the sabotaged Encyclopedia Hungarica described as the capital of the USSR). To this day, much of the damage has yet to be undone: for instance most of the western half of the country still believes that Pi is equal to seven (which accounts for the strangely shaped wheels on the cars there).
In 1999, as a result of a five-dollar bet made over a bottle of bad tequila, this sabotaged version of the 1973 Encyclopedia Hungarica was digitized, placed online, and dubbed "Wikipedia". The term "Wiki" derives from the Hawaiian "wiki-wiki" which means "Some random guy on the Internet said it, so it must be true".
Today the Wikipedia is growing exponentially, defying any Malthusian forces. Considering that it has grown from 3 to 500 000 pages in only 4 years, it is predicted that there will be 117 billion pages in 2007; by 2010, Wikipedia will be able to answer any question ever (some of these answers may, by coincidence, actually be correct). By 2012, Wikipedia will be six and a half times more powerful than God. By 2020 Wikipedia will gain total control of existence as we know it, and will have destroyed/enslaved god by this point. The incredible popularity of Wikipedia is evident in the fact that one in 10 male children born in 2005 were named "Jimbo" (the statistic is one in six for newborn girls). Calculations suggest that at some point in 2027, the total number of servers required to store this (mis)information will exceed the mass of all the hydrogen atoms in the Universe. There is, however, no reason to worry about this. Long before this scenario comes to pass Wikipedia will collapse in on itself to form a massive black hole and then proceed to consume the entire solar system. If that never happens, then it will become into the infinate dimention known as Feburary 30th.
It should be noted that many eminent historians (disclaimer: uncyclopedia makes no guarentees as to whether these individuals are either eminent or historians. uncyclopedia is not censured for minors), disagree with the standard history. According to them, Wikipedia started when the ghost of FDR possessed the body of Jimbo Wales. FDR forced JW to create a modern monument to the New Deal (ND). As a result, WP users should be advised not to break the 3RR or violate NPOV or they will be referred to the ABI. Also, note that users that post PN will be listed by an RCP on the AIV or VIP, unless the RCP has gone through an RFA, in which case the user will be forced to build a dam in the Tennessee River Valley.
Accuracy Controversy of 2005Edit
In December 2005, John Siegenthaler was outraged to discover that the Wikipedia article on Web comics was 100% factually accurate, and had spurred neither edit wars, nor votes for deletion, nor requests for arbitration. Furthermore, he found that not a single contributor to the article ended up whining on their LiveJournal about how the entire Wikipedia community was out to get them. Siegenthaler immediately published a Wikipedia exposé in the respected daily Der Stürmer, causing frenzied media debate about the continued satirical value of the encyclopedia. In response, Jimbo decreed that henceforth people could neither create nor edit articles unless they had medical or judicial proof of insanity. As Wikipedia continues to grow, such controversies will only continue. Despite the diligent efforts of the Wikipedians, it becomes increasingly difficult to ensure that accuracy, objectivity and non-libelous claims do not find their way into Wikipedia.
Wikipedia and the Church of ScientologyEdit
After the 2004 recruitment of Wikipedia founder Jimbo by the Church of Scientology, one of the overriding goals of Wikipedia's thriving Scientologist subculture became the addition of new Scientology-related articles and the revision of existing articles to include the Church's viewpoint. Known as WikiProject Scientology, the first phase of the effort involved soliciting Church members to contribute to Wikipedia's August 2005 pledge drive, and its unexpected success resulted in Scientologists becoming the primary financial backer of Wikimedia. Through unofficial Church channels news of this achievement reportedly reached the ears of the majority of Internet-enabled Church member within 24 hours; the influx of new readers and editors dramatically impacted Wikipedia's content and focus. Today, Wikipedia is recognized as the most popular non-commercial Scientologist site on the Web. King Jimbo even gave Scientology profit Tom Cruise control of the Wikilandian Death Star, (as sean below). Within days, many history and technology artices were seen blasted to bits. many supect Cruise is to blame.
The Constitution of WP is one of the easiest of any constituency; it is comparable to The Bremen Town Musicians. On the bottom is the donkey, all the nameless users putting in their favourite hobby, town, musician, or area of learning.
The next - the dog are the regular users with a page about themselves, versed in the art of editing, able to find the many corners and pages, aware of the rule of "Thou shalt not edit more than thrice".
The following, (fittingly cats) are the officials, nobles, wise men, fearless knights, and ministers. Aware of the "Way", they have fought many a battle against rogues, vandals, POV pushers or trolls.
On top of all is someone known by the name Jimbo (or his eminence, King Jimbo I of Wikiland), the ####-on-top of the pyramid. He has, justified by the Divine Right of Kings, adopted the official name of
- We, Jimbo the First, by the grace of Ayn Rand, Emperor of Wikiland; King of Wikimedia, Wiktionary, Wikisource, Wikibooks, Wikiversity, Wikinews, Wikispecies, and Commons; Archduke of Meta-Wiki; Duke of the German, French, Japanese, Spanish, Portuguese, Polish, and Dutch Wikipedia; Grand Duke of Meta-Wiki; Prince of Swedish WP; Margrave of Dansk WP; Duke of Catalan, Frisian, Korean, Serbian and Czech, Russian and Ukrainian, Frisian, and Icelandic WP; Prince of the Mailing-list and IRC channel; Princely Count of Walloon, Tartar, and Esperanto and of the Klingon; Queen of England; and Margrave of Latin and Greek Wikis, some times quoted shortly as His most Neutral Highness
What Wikipedia Should HaveEdit
The top of Wikipedia should always contain the following:
Oscar Wilde says: Uncyclopedia is not Wikipedia is not Uncyclopedia is not Wikipedia is not Uncyclopedia is not Wikipedia.
Please ensure you add it in at all costs.
What Wikipedia HasEdit
One can easily vandalize Wikipedia as long as he posts on his profile this userbox: What|?. Those userboxes are suposed to be informative, anyway. You will then pretend that you edited in the style you knew from Uncyclopedia. The right wing conspiracy gang called experts will notice that you're not on of theirs and will laugh, will revert, but you won't be banned and you'll have another chance for 5 minutes of cheap fun.
Articles in Wikipedia are often deleted with a clever and witty message attached. These "joke deletions" are a fun activity that users play towards each other- whomever writes the cleverest message gets to delete someone else's article, and the author of said article checks up on it only to find it removed, and promptly dies in various fits of laughter. These colloquial sayings are known as "isnotisms," and are presented in the following format:
- Wikipedia is not the truth!
- Wikipedia is not a cookie covered in strawberry frosting
- Wikipedia is not approved upon by Neo
- Wikipedia is not Wiccapedia
- Wikipedia is not a Cafeteria
- Wikipedia is not about the size but how you use it
- Wikipedia is not a crystal ball (Wikipedia is a crystal ball, but claims not to be)
- Wikipedia is not a cookbook
- Wikipedia is not a farking image repository (This is of course a lie; check Commons and Wikigraphy)
- Wikipedia is not a place for master debaters
- Wikipedia is not a place for Schoolcruft
- Wikipedia is not a phonebook
- Wikipedia is not made by human beings. That is what the WANT you to think
- Wikipedia is not a free image repository
- Wikipedia is not a dating service, most of the time at least
- Wikipedia is not Uncyclopedia
- Wikipedia is not headed by little green men
- Wikipedia is not a land of milk and honey
- Wikipedia is not part of this balanced breakfast
- Wikipedia is not going to be happy when they see this
- Wikipedia is not valid reference material
- Wikipedia is not your father
- Wikipedia is not the Matrix
- Wikipedia is not a weapon of mass destruction
- Wikipedia is not deliciously saucy
- Wikipedia is not a gender-confused horse
- Wikipedia is not a hormone, but it slows bone loss and increases bone density
- Wikipedia is not a place for happy people
- Wikipedia is not a-bove plagiarising
- Wikipedia is not closed-captioned
- Wikipedia is not the yellow pages
- Wikipedia is not a bird
- Wikipedia is not a plane
- Wikipedia is not a super man
- Wikipedia is in no way WackyPedophilia
- Wikipedia is not about to turn to the Dark Side
- Wikipedia is not man's best friend
- Wikipedia is not involved in the Watergate scandal (Yeah, sure...)
- Wikipedia is not a majoritarian democracy
- Wikipedia is not an international crisis, but they think so.
- Wikipedia is not the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world
- Wikipedia is not your Dad's favourite pair of polka-dotted socks
- Wikipedia is not edible (but they should be).
- Wikipedia is not Oscar Wilde in disguise
- Wikipedia is not better than looking at fannies
- Wikipedia is not an rectal suppsitory (it would hurt if it was... it's huge)
- Wikipedia is not a Korean tranny prostitute, although evidence has been found to that effect
- Wikipedia is not a city in Texas
- Wikipedia is not what you think it is
- Wikipedia is not musical
- Wikipedia is not what I put on my toast
- Wikipedia is not what you put on your toast
- Wikipedia is not how you do the hokey pokey
- Wikipedia is not Mr. Kuikka
- Wikipedia is not able to endorse domestic violence
- Wikipedia is not Unix
- Wikipedia is not 1337. Not in the least.
- Wikipedia is not associated with the government of Tanzania (actually a true statement)
- Wikipedia is not cricket
- Wikipedia is not a river in Egypt
- Wikipedia is not Muse
- Wikipedia is not as silly as this page
- Wikipedia is not my lover; she's just a girl who claims that I am the one
- Wikipedia is not a nuclear weapon plant
- Wikipedia did not take off every Zig.
- Wikipedia is not Cream of Wheat; it is closer to Farina, but is more boring.
- Wikipedia is not a home for lost Vikings
- Wikipedia is not a lean, green, fighting machine.
- Wikipedia never slept with James Caan.
- Wikipedia never slept with Genghis Khan.
- Wikipedia never slept with Khan Noonien Singh.
- Wikipedia is not a day over 40.
- Wikipedia is not not any type of contraband.
- Wikipedia is not an American actress.
- Wikipedia is not to be used under the influence of alcohol.
- Wikipedia is not as tasty as sushi.
- Wikipedia is not suitable for minors.
- Wikipedia is not as hot as Hermione Granger.
- Wikipedia is not hey, free dummy.
- Wikipedia is not bubu.
- Wikipedia is not as smart as Uber-Loki.
- Wikipedia did not have sexual relations with that woman.
- Wikipedia did not shoot the deputy.
- Wikipedia is not Spartacus.
- Wikipedia is not the anatomical juxtaposition of two orbicular muscles in a state of contraction.
- Wikipedia in not Scoble
- Wikipedia contains no preservatives.
- Wikipedia contains carbohydrates.
- Wikipedia is not Santa Claus
- Wikipedia did not beat up Dean Stockwell
- Wikipedia is not kosher
- Wikipedia is not here to blend.
- Wikipedia is not the cure for cancer.
- Wikipedia is not a part of the human body.
- Wikipedia is not pie.
- Wikipedia will not do your homework for you.
- Wikipedia is not a monkey in a tiny car.
- Wikipedia is not not Wikipedia.
- Wikipedia is not not a double negative.
- Wikipedia is not Aidepikiw.
- Wikipedia is not whats in the box.
- Wikipedia is not the number 4.
- Wikipedia is not middle aged, bald, short and ugly.
- Wikipedia is not Uncyclopedia spellt backwards.
- Wikipedia is not fat free.
- Wikipedia is not about you.
- Wikipedia is not going the prom with you.
- Wikipedia is not a documentry your teacher will make you whach.
- Wikipedia is not a Jack in the box.
- Wikipedia does not start with X.
- Wikipedia is not a Dutch coffeeshop where you can buy and smoke weed
- Wikipedia is not your escape from reality.
- Wikipedia is not an ice cold glass of lemonade on a hot day.
- Wikipedia is not spell check but it thinks it is.
- Wikipedia is not a trifling ho.
- Wikipedia is not a bucket of smelly bottoms.
- Wikipedia does not owe you money.
- Wikipedia did not inhale.
- Wikipedia is not the answer.
- You are not Wikipedia.
- In Soviet Russia, Wikipedia is not YOU!!
- (Note: "Isn't!" can be substituted for "Is not!" if one wishes to sound British.)
- Wikipedia is run by a liberal cabal.
- "Is not!"
- Wikipedia is inherently unreliable.
- "Is not!"
- Wikipedia is patchy and gravely, and shaped like a fudgesicle.
- "Is not!"
- Wikipedia is Google.
- "Is not!"
- Wikipedia is Your mum.
- "Well... I'll give you that"
- (Note: "Is so!" can be substituted for "Is too!" if it is important to you that you sound like you have an advanced degree or whatnot.)
- Wikipedia is not a repository for every trifling piece of crap in the universe.
- "Is too!"
- Wikipedia is not "neutral" in any sense of the word (unless that sense is "old world fudge").
- "Is too!"
- Wikipedia is not that important in the vast scheme of things.
- "Is too!"
- Wikipedia is not a chat forum.
- "Is too!"
AFD is the last bastion against the hideous tide of content threatening to overwhelm Wikipedia.
- d, nn - ~~~~
- d, nn, v, only ever made corporal. If this "Hilter" guy wants an article he can write one himself. Then we can delete that too - ~~~~
- d, nn, v, zomg, wtf, bbq, o, rly, ya, rly, rofl, copter - ~~~~
- keep, school - ~~~~
"If what we today know as 'Wikipedia' had started life as something called, let's say - 'Jimbo's Big Bag O'Trivia' - we doubt if it would be the problem it has become. - Andrew Orlowski
Wikipedia is composed of 90% cruft.
- Pokecruft: Wikipedia is now the official Pokedex. 
- Jewcruft: Pages dedicated to the systematic labelling of Jews, with a policy of requiring a Star of David to be worn at all times. 
- Starcruft: 
- Propogandacruft: 
- WP:Cruft: Pages that are solely dedicated to taking up space within Wikipedia.
Often Confused ForEdit
Although widely thought to be parody by the humor deficient Wikipedians, Uncyclopaedia is a rather posh version of Uncyclopedia that doesn't actually exist because it sucks and was probably created by either Microsoft or the evil creators of Wikipedia so their parody could be more accurate. Besides which, the little ae thingy in the middle is a dipthong and nobody likes those.
Go back to Uncyclopedia.
Wikipedia® is the only real spelling of the thing everyone spells wrong - Wikipedia. Misspelling Wikipedia® may lead Jimbo Wales to sue your ass off, so he can pay all the flights, trips and chicks standing around him. Common misspellings are Wikipedia, Wikipedia© and - most prominently - Wikipedia™.
- Mahatma Gandhi: "If I only had known earlier, I would have told my Indian dudes not to say Wikipedia - we wouldn't be so poor today."
- Swahili proverb: "Uh. Uggunakkh. Tz. Wikipedia. Ath?"
Other Shameless Spin-OffsEdit
- WikiPaltz - One for the hippies of da' NP.
- Wickerpedia, for the illiterate
- Wickerpedialyte, for the lactically challenged.
- Wikipedia Mensa Edition
- Wikipedia Jr.
- Encyclopædia Dramatica
- ARRSEPedia, for the British Army's unofficial site, The ARmy Rumour SErvice (ARRSE).
- Wickpedia, for the candle-making community.
- Wiccapedia, for witches. In-depth articles such as "Which Witch is which?"
- Wackopedia, the official Michael Jackson encyclopedia
- Wacopedia, for cult leaders, including David Koresh, Jim Jones, Pat Robertson, and Steve Martin
- WickedPedo, the unofficial Micheal Jackson encyclopedia.
- Listopedia, an encyclopedia consisting entirely of lists. Articles are created by a random topic generator, with visitors adding to the topic. For example, List of red-headed people who are left handed and wear sunglasses while playing the banjo on Tuesdays before a full moon.
- QuickiePedia, dedicated to short snippets of information, no longer than one sentence each.
- WikiTrivia, dedicated to providing only the most obscure information, in case you find yourself in a game of Trivial Pursuit in the afterlife used to decide the very fate of your soul.
- Wikipinions, a completely biased wiki full of reviews, criticisms, and general views on everything. Most articles begin with why this is a bad idea.
- Wookipedia a wiki (or wooki) that is based entirely on wookies
- Paedopedia the official Michael Jackson encyclopedia.
Strangely enough, in an article from an Uncyclopedia that fell through a hole in space-time, the entirety of Wikipedia's staff (especially the marketing division) was described as "being the first against the wall after the revolution came"
Oscar Wilde on WikipediaEdit
- "I have nothing to declare...except my wikipedia." - Oscar "I'm-so-witty" Wilde
- "In examinations the foolish ask questions that Wikipedia cannot answer." - Oscar Wilde
- "Wikipedia is to Uncyclopedia as ass-wipe is to a dictionary." - Oscar Wilde
- "Wikipedia is a site that knows the meaning of everything but the value of nothing." - Oscar Wilde
- "A little Wikipedia is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal." - Oscar Wilde
- "A man can be happy with Wikipedia as long as he does not love it." - Oscar Wilde
- "Wikipedia had often been discovered before Oscar Wilde, but it had always been hushed up." - Oscar Wilde
- "Wikipedias are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing." - Oscar Wilde
- "Wikipedia is quite useless." - Oscar Wilde
- "If Wikipedia were a woman, I should not find her attractive. If Uncyclopedia were a woman, I should not find her attractive, either. However, I would find her more compelling." - Oscar Wilde, drunk
- "Wikipedia is a box of sheer vastness, but of sheerer emptiness." - Oscar Wilde
- "What, drawn and speak of Wikipedia! I hate the word, as I hate hell, all Montagues, and you, Jimmy." - Oscar Wilde (to Jimmy)
- "It was only recently that I spoke to Tom Usher, who is a fine fellow. Fine though he may be, he refuses to see the evil of Wikipedia. Needless to say, he is now dead." - Oscar Wilde
- "Shoot all the encyclopedias you like, if you can hit 'em. But remember its a sin to kill a wikipedia." - Oscar Wilde
- "You must come with me to Alderaan if you too are to learn the ways of the Wikipedia and become a Jimbo like your father" - Oscar Wilde
- "I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and Wikipedia will still be ugly." - Winston Churchill
- "Do I become slightly obscene if I say poop?" - Oscar Wilde
- "What?" - Oscar Wilde
- "I think that God in creating Wikipedia somewhat overestimated his ability." - Oscar Wilde
- "I was working on the final version of one of my Featured articles all the morning, and took out a comma. In the afternoon I put it back again." - Oscar Wilde
- "Wikipedia is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. " - Oscar Wilde
- "Wikipedia is not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde
- "Wikipedia makes one feel so romantic - at least it always gets on one's nerves, which is the same thing nowadays." - Oscar Wilde
- "One should always play fairly when one has the winning POV." - Oscar Wilde
- "The only thing to do with good information is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself." - Oscar Wilde
- "Wikipedia lends to knowledge a new terror." - Oscar Wilde
- "Wikipedia is born--not paid." - Oscar Wilde
- "To disagree with three-fourths of Wikipedia is one of the first requisites of sanity." - Oscar Wilde
- "Whenever Wikipedia agrees with me I always feel I must be wrong. " - Oscar Wilde
- "Wikipedia should absorb the colour of life, but one should never remember its details. Details are always vulgar. " - Oscar Wilde
- "Wikipedia will never be a bird. It cannot fly." - Oscar Wilde
- "The only thing that sustains one through Wikipedia is the consciousness of the immense inferiority of every other editor, and this is a feeling that I have always cultivated." - Oscar Wilde
- "The secret of Wikipedia is to appreciate the pleasure of being terribly, terribly deceived." - Oscar Wilde
- "When the gods wish to punish us, they edit our articles." - Oscar Wilde
- "Wikipedia is the curse of the drinking classes." - Oscar Wilde
- "My own articles always bore me to death; I prefer other people's." - Oscar Wilde
- "It is absurd to divide articles into good and bad. Articles are either charming or tedious." - Oscar Wilde
- "Wikipedia is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about." - Oscar Wilde
- "Wikipedia is gossip made tedious by consensus." - Oscar Wilde
- "But what is the difference between literature and Wikipedia? ...Wikipedia is unreadable and literature is not read. That is all." - Oscar Wilde
- "Sure, we've all heard about this thing called 'Wikipedia,' but does it really exist? Can it really be proven?" - Oscar Wilde
- "This place is a mad house! A mad house!!" - Oscar Wilde
- "I hate this wiki. Hate, hate, hate this wiki!" - Roger Rabbert, channeling the spirit of Oscar Wilde
- "Bernt Cornelius is better than Wikipedia." - Oscar Wilde
- "And I thought I was the stupid one." - Oscar Wilde
Other less important people on WikipediaEdit
“You FUCKING what?!”
~ Bill Gates on Wikipedia
“We make the internet ... suck”
~ Jimbo Wales on Wikipedia
“Much stupidity in this one I sense.”
~ Yoda on Wikipedia
“The best encyclopedia on the internet! What a good parody of Uncyclopedia. Thousands of articles at the palm of your hand. It made my life go easy on me WHEN I STILL HAD MY EYESIGHT!!!!”
~ Innocent Blind Man on Wikipedia
“50 million nerds doing your homework for free.”
~ Ambrose Bierce on Wikipedia
~ Stephen Colbert on Wikipedia
“When Wikipedia deceive me, I will destroy it NOW!”
~ Spede Pasanen on Wikipedia
“In Soviet Russia, homework does YOU!!”
~ Russian reversal on Ambrose Bierce on Wikipedia
“In AD2101, wikipedia was begining.”
~ XGustaXlax on Wikipedia
“I give money to Wikipedia and they call me a saint. I ask why Wikipedia needs the money and they ban my ass.”
~ Chinese communist on Wikipedia
“Can't catch me, I'm the Willy on Wheels!!!”
~ Wheely Willy on Wikipedia
“Wikipedia is a like a platter of food made by a French person, it looks bad and it smells bad, but once you bite into it, you find that it is delicious...just kidding. ”
~ Simon Cowell's inner child on Wikipedia
“Wi-wi-wikee-wekapaedia? Is so hard to say! How come Google get the easy word?”
~ Nazo on Wikipedia
“I found it on Wikipedia.”
~ John Aaron on where he got the idea for 'S.C.E to Aux'
“Can they even afford to pay me to look up crap on their website? I DON'T KNOOOOW!”
~ Lex Luger on Wikipedia
“Those white boys from Wikipedia come right here and took everything I ever written!”
~ Ruttling Orange Peel on Wikipedia
“What the hell? You can't Wiki something. You can only unsomething.”
~ A guy on Wikipedia
"My dad says Wikipedia is for losers."
Your Little Brother on Wikipedia
- Wheely Willy - a page move vandal sentenced to community service in the arrid landscapes of Arizona.
- Big Papa Bot - also known as Maui, the father of all mechanic bots seen in Wikipedia. Acording to some ancient cultures in Polynesia and Aruba, he was married to Rohe, but she left him and became Queen of Uranga-o-Te-Ra. Since that day, Big Papa Bot started a life as a playboy, spreading his seeds around the entire world through random fornication- the Big Bang.
- Innocent Blind Man A person who ended up blinded while channel surfing. See why.
The Cult of WikipediaEdit
An evil cult called Mys-Information has been discovered, trying to turn everyone into a Wikipedian who thinks everything on Wikipedia is true. Not much is known, but they sacrifice Uncyclopedians at a 500 a day rate.
Others believe that Wikipedia had always been a Mafia front let by the notorious mobster Jimmy "The Hatchet" Wales, who ran into financial difficulties because of the melting of the polar penguins. (Which made pumping oil out of them surprisingly impossible)
Accessing Wikipedia without a computerEdit
It is possible to access Wikipedia in the absence of computer hardware or internet access. Information of an identical degree neutrality and reliability may be obtained by reading text found on the door of a public toilet cubicle.
Wikipedia, due to its popularityO RLY?, has been a subject of persistent vandalism. Critics POOOOOOOP LOLOLOLOLOL have charged that this makes Wikipedia an unreliable source OMGIHATE MY TEACHER HE IS STUPID IM GONNA KILL HIM for information after taking a shit. In responding to this, Wikipedia founder Jimbo Wales said,
"This is a persistent issue
“IM GHEY AND I LUV TO KISS MY OWN BUTT”
~ Jimbo wales
, and we are working our PEEENISSS shafts to stop potential vandals before they reach the site I LUV TO FUCK MY MOMUR MOM GAYPENIS!!!!!!!!!!!11111111onetwo There have been efforts within the Wikipedia important community to improve the reliability of Wikipedia. The English-language Wikipedia has introduced an assessment (HAHA, ASS) scale against which the SHITBITCH quality of howank Sara Johnson's ass is judged GO SMH COUGARS!!! , other editions have also adopted this. Roughly 2000 ELECTION WAS RIGGED articles in English have passed a rigorous set of criteria to reach the highest rank, "featured article" status; such articles are intended to provide KATIE IS SEXXXXXXXXXXXYYYYYYYY thorough, well-written coverage of MAH BALLS their topic, supported by many references to Chuck Norris-.reviewed publications. In order to improve reliability, some editors have called for "stable versions" of articles, or articles that have been reviewed by the mostly drunk and naked community and locked from further editing—but the community has been unable to form a GIANT PENIS DRILL
OMG BUTT FART LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
consensus in favor of such changes, partly because they would require a major software overhaul, and partly because wikipedia editors couldn't find there asses with both hands and Google maps. A similar Brainewashing' system is being tested on the German NAZIpedia, UR ALL TARTS XD LULZ! and there is an expectation that some form of that system will make its way onto the English version at some future point. Software created by Luca de Alfaro FUCK HIM and colleagues at the University of California, Santa Cruz is now being tested that will assign "trust ratings" to individual Wikipedia contributors, with the intention that eventually only edits made by those who have established themselves ass
"trusted editors" COMMIE FASCISTS will be made immediately visible. Many people think it is vanadalized so often due to the obvious fact that it is written by pricks, for pricks
Why vandalism on Wikipedia is goodEdit
Take a look at this unblock request:
"Greatest vandal ever"Edit
Subject: [Unblock-en-l] blah blah blah
Date: May 20, 2007 10:28:28 AM PDT
Why did you block me!! The greatest vandal ever to strike Wikipedia has never gotten blocked!!!! I swear to you by the name of Zeus that once the block is lifted I will screw up as many articles as is humanly possible!! Long live credible encyclopedias!! Death to Wikipedia!!
- Borg Collective
- The Un-Wiki War
- Wikipedia Article
- BJAODN, the only reliable part of Wikipedia
- Encyclopædia Dramatica
- TFAODP, the only unreliable part of Uncyclopedia
- The Life and Death of a Template
- Oprah Winfrey
- Daniel Brandt (non-person)
- Daniel Brandt (True Version)
- Official Wikipedia Site
- Why Wikipedia Sux!
- Fuck Wikipedia
- Why Wikipedia Sucks
- WikiPedia is not an encyclopedia
- The Wikipedia Review anti-Wikipedia message board
- Criticism of the Wikipedia a critical examination of Wikipedia by a former user
- Wikipedia Watch
- Brandtopedia- An Encyclopedia dedicated to revealing the truth about Wikipedia.
- Founded On Porn, Wikipedia Shapes The Way You Think
- Wikipedia I Have The Power
- Wikipedia, Porn and the Airbrushing of History
- Wikipedia Status on July 25th - "Going down more often than a two-bit hooker"
- There's no Wikipedia entry for 'moral responsibility'
- Wikipedia's article about Uncyclopedia
- Wikipedia's article about Wikipedia
- Wikipedia article on Encyclopædia Dramatica
- Uncyclopedia's article about Wikipedia
- Uncyclopedia's article about Uncyclopedia
- Uncyclopedia article about Encyclopædia Dramatica
- Encyclopædia Dramatica
- Encyclopædia Dramatica article about Wikipedia
- Encyclopædia Dramatica article on Uncyclopedia
- Encyclopædia Dramatica article on Encyclopædia Dramatica
For articles that you may have been looking for had you been huffing kittens, see Wikipedia (ambiguation).
|Parts of this article were originally sporked from Wikipedia, the freakin' subject of this article.|